Arriving back home the next morning at 7am after going to an early session at church, mom and dad went off to work and I went up to my bedroom to go catch up on some more sleep.  I was exceptionally tired this morning, and didn't really pay attention to anything.  I didn't even pray.  I spent my time in church thinking.

I thought about Ryan and it still had me puzzled how a boy like him could be so broken.  I even thought about it, as I lay on my bed, waiting for sleep to win me over.

I was up and out of the house again by 10am and at the Animal Hospital with Andrew and a few other teens from church, cleaning out cages of.....animals, and assisted with feeding some.  Generally helping out where it was needed.

Today, I really wasn't into it like I usually would be.

"Brendon.....are you feeling okay today?" Andrew asked, as I nursed a very brand new black and white kitten, feeding it with the smallest bottle of milk in the world.  Reminded me of a dolls bottle.

"I feel okay.  I'm just.....I've met someone," I told him, as he sat down on the floor next to me, feeding another kitten.

"Oh.....Brendon's got a girlfriend.  Who is it?  Do I know her?" Andrew grinned, looking happy.  Yeah right.  A girlfriend.  Chances of me getting a girlfriend were second to none.

"It's a he,"

That didn't sound right.  That sounded pretty...wrong.

"He?" a look of surprise covered his freckled face.  Andrew looked a little disturbed.

"Oh, no. No. Nothing like that.  Geez, Andy.  How could you even think I meant that?"  I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Oh, I'm kidding Brendon.  It's a joke.  I know you're not homosexual.  Anyway....go on,"  the look on his face had changed to one of relief.  That really annoyed me.

"Doesn't matter," I grumped, hating the way that he made me think for a second that he thought I was gay.  On top of all of my other flaws.....now I could put 'appears gay'.

"I'm sorry Brendon.  Really.  I didn't mean it.  It was a joke," he said again.

"Homosexuality is something that I'm not a fan of joking about, Andrew," I fired up and walked away, to show him that I was mad at him.  I put the kitten away, before grabbing my bike helmet, and left.

Arriving home, Ryan was sitting on the steps leading to the front door of my house.

"H...hi Ryan," I wondered how long he had been here and why he was here, while I wheeled my bike around to the side of the house and locked it up.  Ryan followed, not saying anything.

"I wanted to come and...ahhh thank you for last night.  For what you did," Ryan followed me to my front door.

I unlocked it.

"It's okay.  Anyone would have.........." I started saying, turning to look at him.

"No one but you came after me, Brendon.  No one gives a fuck about me. I'm sorry for...ahhh...have you waste your time on me, but I'm glad you did.  You made me feel better.  Thank you,"

I smiled.

"You ahhh...did the same for me yesterday at school.  I thought that...... Consider it a favour returned,"  I put my hand up and patted his shoulder in a friendly way, but left my hand resting on it.

Ryan forced a smile.    I gave his shoulder a light squeeze.

"Ryan, do you want to talk or something?  Like.....do you want to take a walk maybe?" I asked, moving my hand away from him.

Ryan nodded, and looked behind him, towards the empty road.

"It's a bit hot out there to go walk.  Can I come in?" he asked, as I sighed.

"My parents don't......Is it okay if we sit around the back?  There's a Pergola.  Ahh...I'll get some drinks.  You are thirsty aren't you?"  I asked, as he slightly nodded. 

I showed him where the gate was to the back yard.  Snoopy was in her enclosure, so she wouldn't try and bite him or anything.  My parents would definatly not like him inside.  I think they'd be fine with him out side with me.

Taking a pitcher of water and two glasses, I met Ryan underneath the Pergola.

"So Ryan....What....was that all about last night?" I got straight to the point of what I wanted to know, taking a seat right next to Ryan after putting the water and glasses onto the outside table.

"My.....my dad is a first class asshole," he really was ready to talk to someone, "He rang last night.  Had checked himself out of rehab and.......after he promised me that he'd stay and get help....and he was drunk.  He wanted to come and get me to take me home.  I don't want to go home with him."

Ryan looked sad and terrified at the same time.  His eyes were glassy and open wide.

I thought  it was good that he was telling someone. He needed to.  Problem was, I was the wrong sort of someone.  I was sort of sorry I asked.  I honestly couldn't relate.

I nodded and looked at his sad face, watching his eyes cloud up with tears, spoiling their beauty. 

Beauty? 

What was I thinking?

I shook that thought away really quick by looking over at Snoopy who had been barking since Ryan had entered the yard.

"What is he in rehab for?  Drinking?" I asked, pouring him and myself some water.

"That and other things.  Other issues.  He promised me that he'd get help!  He broke his promise.  I can't go back to him.  Not when he's like this," Ryan said, before taking a sip of water.

"Does......." I reached up and went to touch Ryan under his right eye.  I wasn't going to hurt him.  I wanted to know who would hurt such a perfectly made face.  Ryan flinched and pulled his head back away before I could make contact.  I put my hand down and continued with what I started to say.

"Did he do that?"

Ryan nodded, blinking out tears, but not looking away from me.

I felt another pang of...something in my stomach.  The same feeling as yesterday that I had in the change rooms, that I couldn't identify with ever feeling before.

"Wow!" was all I could say. 

He needed a hug.  I didn't want to scare him away, so I took his hand instead, so we were palm to palm and with the other hand, I rubbed the top of it.  Ryan didn't pull back.  He smiled and looked down at our hands.

"Brendon, you're fucking awesome.  You know that?  In less than twenty-four hours you have made me feel.....so much better.  Not even my Uncle, Aunt or cousin could make me....." he said, making full eye contact with me.

I was happy I could help....if I helped.  Well, I was happy I made him feel better.  I beamed a smile back at him.

"Brendon!"  mom's voice called out from inside.  I smiled, breaking eye contact with Ryan.

"I'm outside mom," I called out, letting go of Ryan's hand and stood up so she could see where I was exactly.

She came outside, immediately staring at Ryan, curiously.

"Mom, this is Ryan.  He's one of our new neighbours from across the road.  Ryan, this is my mom," I sat back down next to Ryan and took hold of his hand again, in a casual hold.  Ryan was shaking now.  I felt his hand quiver in mine.  I felt so bad for him.

Mom nodded and smiled.

"Hi Ryan," she greeted him, before looking back at me with a serious expression.

"We'll have to do something about those glasses Brendon.  You can't go around with them like that.  It makes you look silly," mom said, before looking at Ryan, then looking down at our hands.

"They're fine mom.  I can see fine," I said, feeling Ryan still trembling through his hand I was holding.

"Brendon, let go of the boy.  You're scaring him," she grinned, looking across at Ryan.

I let go of his hand.

"I'm sorry about my son.  He's very affectionate at times and doesn't realise that it can make some people uncomfortable," she spoke to Ryan.  My face flushed.

Mom  was right.  I had been pulled up many times for smothering people.  I don't mean to, but I love human contact.  I crave for it sometimes.  People have taken it the wrong way before, and mom tells me to no be so forward with my affections.

Mom looked at me with one of her, 'What have I told you about that!'; stern looks.

I wasn't making him uncomfortable.......was I?

I looked at Ryan and he did look a little uncomfortable, but it was hard to read him.  He was upset to begin with.

"Sorry Ryan," I put my head down sheepishly, thinking what a fool I was.  I looked at him from out of the corner of my eye.

Mom went back inside.

"It's okay Brendon.  I know you're trying to make me feel better.  You do.  I'm just not used to being touched like that," he forced another smile.

"I w....won't d...do it ag..gain," I stuttered, looking back down.

"It's okay Brendon.  Really," he stood up before continuing to talk; "Dude, come on.  Fuck the heat.  Let's go for that walk!"

I smiled.  I thought I had scared him off, and he was going to go home. 

He wanted to hang out with me still.

I think I just made a friend and I was pretty excited about it too.

Ryan and I went to the park, where we spent hours talking about stuff.  Half of the time I had no idea about what he was talking about, as he was much more worldly than I was. He made me feel stupid.  Not intentionally, but I did.....and to think that  I thought Andrew new it all!

"So, Brendon, do you have a girlfriend?" Ryan asked, lighting up his fifth cigarette for the afternoon.  I hated the smell, but it was worth breathing in such fumes to be hanging out with him.

"No.  No girl is interested in me," I looked at him like he was insane.  Come on.  He was asking the most ugliest person on the planet.

"Why not?" he looked seriously puzzled, flicking some ash on the ground beside him.

"I'm Brendon Urie. That's why.....because I'm me," I looked away feeling embarrassed telling him this stuff.

"So you've never fucked anyone before?" he asked, as I hated the way he asked such a question.  Such a stupid question.

"Definitely not," I snapped back.

"Have you ever touched a girl?" he asked, looking interested.

"No," I quickly replied, walking away over to the swings.  Ryan followed.

I picked out the closest swing and sat.  Ryan sat on the swing next to me.

"Ever kissed a girl?" he enquired, cocking his head to the side in anticipation of my answer.

"Nooooooo....." these questions made me so uncomfortable.  I started to swing.

"Kissing is fun.  You should try it some time," Ryan called out, starting to swing too.

"Yeah right," I called back sarcastically.

"It is.  Don't knock something unless you've tried it,"  Ryan called back, getting up a good height on his swing. 

I got off of the swing and walked back over to the park bench seat and sat down.

The rate I'm going, I'll never be able to knock it.

Fifteen and never done anything with a girl romantically.  Not even looked at a girl in that way.  Was there something wrong with that?  Really?  I didn't think so.

"So ahh what music do you like?" Ryan asked, changing the subject.

"Ohhhhhhh" I made a popping noise with my lips and smiled.  My favourite topic.  Music.

"Lots of stuff.  Fleetwood Mac, Journey.....um...Creed..." Ryan cut in.

"Creed?" he screwed his nose up, and did a gagging sound.

I thought liking Creed was pretty impressive to people.

"Yes Creed.  My dad even took my friend Andrew and I to their show.  They're great," I defended my choice in music.

Ryan laughed and shook his head.

"Creed?" he said again in a mocking tone.

"What's wrong with them?"  I had begged my dad and did extra chores around the house a year ago so I could go to the show.  It was the first and last rock concert I've ever been to and I considered it a major thing in my life.

"What's right with them?" he witted in, flicking his cigarette butt away.

"Well...............I like them," I finalled, crossing my arms over my chest and pouted.  I still wear my Creed tour t-shirt to school sometimes.

"Geez...you don't have any taste in music, do you?  You mustn't.  Creed!  I can't get over that one," he laughed. 

I hated him.

"Well Mr Musical Genius, what music do you listen to?"

"Blink 182....."he started saying.

I laughed.

"What on earth is a Blink 182? That sounds stupid," I tried to shoot down his favourite band.

Ryan looked at me like I was an alien.

"That's a band name, dickhead.  Shit Brendon.  Are you.....you don't seem to know a whole lot about what is going on in the world.  Talking to you, is like talking to someone with brain damage," Ryan looked frustrated.

"That's a mean thing to say!  You know.....it's not my fault that I don't know the name of your stupid little Blink whatever band.  It's not my fault I can't have friends over.  It's not my fault that we have no television and I can't keep on top of what is going on in the world.....It.....You have no idea how much I'd love to be........normal.  I'm a Mormon, Ryan and it's the way we live......and I swear that if you keep mocking everything about me any more....I'll hunt you down when I'm older and door knock your house day and night!" that wasn't meant to be funny.  I would do it.  He  offended me hugely.

With that, I left Ryan at the park, and ran home, feeling sick. 

When did the idea ever enter my head that I could actually be friends with this horrible person? 

He was just like the rest of them.