What Ryan had said, bothered me for the rest of the afternoon.

What if he was right?  He can't be right.  No one ever tried to make friends with me unless it was for a joke or a dare.
Any way...who was he to speak about friends?  His parents probably sent him away for anti social behaviour.  Getting into fights and what ever.  Maybe he's one of those drug dealer kids.

It couldn't hurt really.  The boys across the road really couldn't do to me what hasn't already been done before, so I decided to suck up my pride yet again and attempt to make friends with these boys.....or rather Ryan.

"Mom, can I go across the road and meet the people who live there?  You know, welcome them to the street and all?  There's two boys there about my age and they go to my school.  Maybe I could make friends with them or something.  Is that okay with you?" I asked, after finishing off my home work.  I was so bored.

Mom and dad were getting ready to go to church for Choir practise.

"I don't know anything about the people across the road Brendon.  I don't think that it's such a good idea until your father and I meet them," she said, looking worried.

"Okay," it was that simple.

Basically that was a 'no'.

I wasn't one to argue with her.  What mom or dad said was...it.  Always has been.  Only recently I had been questioning their decisions about certain things.  It's sort of like I don't ever have any say in anything.  Not that I ever did.  Now. lately, I had been noticing other kids and wonder how come I can't be like them.

Everything I do is with my family or the church.

I love my family, don't get me wrong, but....I also would love to be a normal kid.  Go out for the day and skate board, or go to a friends house and have a sleep over.  I don't want too much, but what I want is not what I will get.  My life was planned out for me since birth.

I know exactly what is expected of me.  The same things that was expected from my four older siblings. Finish high school, go to College (a Mormon College in Utah), go on a mission, get a job, get married, raise a family and support them for the rest of my life while attending church regally.  That's it.  My life; what it's meant to be, in a nut shell. 

One problem with all of this.  If girls won't come near me now, why would they come near me later?

"Mom, I'll see you when you get back.  I've got my keys.  I'm taking Snoopy for a walk," I called out after going out the back and getting Snoopy on to her leash, and walking her through the house to the front door, grabbing a book on the way out.

"Okay Brenny Bear.  See you later," she called out from what ever room she was in.

I walked with Snoopy to the park around the corner.  The park had a section for dogs to run without a lead.

Snoopy loves it here.  She loves to run off and explore everything.  For once we were the only ones here.  Not a dog, woman, man or kid in sight.

Perfect.

I settled down on a park bench seat, and opened a new book I had got last night from church.  Andrew recommended it.
'How To Be Totally Miserable by John Bytheway.' I already know how to be totally miserable!  I don't need a book to tell me how.

Andrew said that the book worked like...reverse psychology.  What ever.

I opened the book and couldn't help but think that Andrew was trying to tell me something by suggesting I got this particular book.

"You know what?' I thought to myself, 'I've had enough of these self help, feel good books!'  I shut it hard, and put it next to me.  It's all I really ever read.  I wanted to read....Go Ask Alice! or some other real life book.  Why I mention 'Go Ask Alice!' is that I was taken out of English Literature for four weeks by my parents, because they were studying that book.  I wasn't even allowed to glance at the cover.

What was so bad about that book that I wasn't allowed to read, but everyone else was? One day, I will read it.

Arriving home under an hour later, Ryan was out the front of his house sitting on the gutter, and had his head buried in his arms with them folded on his knees.

I didn't know if he was crying or...waiting for someone, but me being a sucker for comforting people, crossed the road over to him.

"Ryan?" I stood in front of him, looking down.

"Go away!"  he sobbed, not even looking up at me. He sobbed like he was putting his whole existence into it.  Like every sobbed was all that mattered to him. 

"Okay," with that, I turned around and with Snoopy walking beside me, I went home.

After putting Snoppy outside in her enclosure, I looked out of the kitchen window to check on Ryan and wondered what on earth could make someone cry like it was the end of the world?

He was still crying, but now, an adult male was sitting beside him.  His arms were around his skinny frame and he was holding him.

I felt a slight pang of....something along the lines of empathy for that boy.  I knew too well what it's like to cry that hard.  I knew what it was like first hand to have the world against me. 

It's just about a daily occurrence. 

I cry myself to sleep five days of the week. Monday through to Friday. Sometimes on a Sunday in anticipation of what may come the next day.

I watched Ryan say something to the adult and stand up, now looking as though he was mad, and I could hear faint yelling.  I couldn't make any of the words out.

The adult approached him, but Ryan turned and ran off.

My hand went straight up to my mouth in shock.  Without thinking, I grabbed my house keys off of the counter, and ran out of the front door, slamming it locked behind me.  I started to run in the same direction as Ryan went.  I had no clue what I was going to do when I found him, or caught up to him, but I needed to see that this boy was okay. 

The adult didn't make any move to go after him.

It was getting dark.

I saw Ryan at the end of the road, turning right.

I'm not a great runner by any means, but for some reason, I ran after him so hard.

I had no hope of catching up to him, but I was trying. 

It was all a blind blur for me.

"Ryan!  Wait!" I called out,  ceasing to run anymore.  I couldn't.  Once I got to the corner of my road, I headed right. 

There was no sign of Ryan.

Why was I going after him?  Why did I care enough to exhaust myself for this kid?  I had no idea, but I felt that I had to find him. 

Maybe talk to him.

By the time the sun had gone completely down, and I had been searching the local area for him, finally I found him. 

Curled up on the same park bench I had been sitting on earlier in the park.

"Ryan?" I didn't know what I was going to say, but I knew one thing.  This boy needed someone.  Badly. 

Hey....everyone needs someone, right?

"Fuck off!” spilt from his mouth.

I sort of was taken back by that.  A far cry from the 'Go away!' from before.

Nope.  I didn't want to leave him this time.  Not when he was upset like this.

I cleared my throat, and walked closer, crouching down in front of where his head was resting in his arms.

I put my hand on his back, hesitantly, not knowing if he wanted to be touched.  He didn't shrug me off or pull away.  He just heaved some heavy sobs, muffling them into his forearms.

I was crouched beside him for a good five minutes, rubbing his back.

Ryan didn't need to talk and I didn't mind staying with him until he told me to leave him alone again.

"I want him fucking dead!  I want him to fucking die!" more harsh words flowed from his mouth, shocking me.  I tried not to let that shock emotion show.

I knew what it was like to want to hurt some one, but to want someone dead beside myself, it had never crossed my mind.

"Who made you want to say such a thing Ryan?  That's a big thing to say," I asked in an almost whisper, still rubbing his back in small circles.

Ryan didn't answer me.  He opted to continue to sob into his arms.  I felt pretty much helpless.  I had never dealt with this sort of thing before.  All I did was stay with him, a very long time, listening to his sobs grow into whimpers, then a heavy set of breathing.  He had fallen asleep through exhaustion from crying.

I figured that it was really late, and I needed to get back home.  My parents would be worried sick, but I was hoping that they'd understand once I explained this to them.

I stood up and looked down at the exhausted boy.  I couldn't leave him here alone, and I surely couldn't carry him back all the way to his house.  I lent over and gently shook him.  He didn't stir.

I shook him again.
"Ryan.  Come on.  It's late.  I can't leave you here," I whispered really not wanting to wake him, but I had to.

This time, he turned his head and looked up at me with the most saddest prettiest eyes I had ever seen, with the moon light reflecting in them.  I gasped, before quickly regaining my composure.

"I'm so tired," he groaned, sitting himself up.

I had an idea.

"Okay....I'll piggy-back you.  Jump on!" I turned around so my back was facing him.

It didn't take too long for Ryan to get motivated to straddle himself onto my back and loop his arms around my neck.  I took hold of his legs, linking my arms around his thighs and started walking.  Ryan rested his head on  my shoulder, burying his face into my neck.  I didn't know if he was asleep or not, but I could feel his warm breath hit me every five or so seconds.  It felt sort of soothing and it, for some reason was all I focused on all the way to his house.

I walked up to his front door and had to let go of one of his legs to ring their door bell.  It didn't take so long for the door to open up.  A man stood there smiling, looking somewhat relieved.

"Um, I think he's asleep," I said, turning around so he could take him from me.  The man cradled Ryan in his arms.  He was asleep.

"Thank you," was all he said, before I started walking away back home, feeling......I don't know.  Weird.

I looked towards my house, and sighed with relief.  Mom's van wasn't back yet.

Myself, I was pretty much exhausted too after all of that.  I went straight up to my room and put on my pyjamas and hopped into bed.

I said a prayer for Ryan, hoping that god would look after such a scared creature as him.  Ryan needed some help.